So I've heard people moaning about the NZ tour but what's the gloom-mongering about?
Watching the last twitches of the Deshis on these beautiful evergreen school grounds was comparable to a session of autogenic training; how clear, refreshed and calm your mind feels after such a match; your soul is filled with peace and grave tranquility. And should both the cricket and the grounds really be shit, which I dare doubt, there'll still be so much to watch and to listen to. Some things obligatory during every tour of NZ:
Commentators that make your toe nails corrugate. Three kiwis giggling, gaggling and chuckling away while trying to outdo each other at kiwiness is Test cricket for your sanity. Pondering the sickened slip, admiring the outside itch and praising the bowler for taking tin wickets will make your brain rotate inside your head. And when Kyle Mills, God bless him, starts to rave about putting the ball into the right eareas then you truly wish for balls in your eareas.
After you have stuffed your head with tissues in order to stop it from bleeding to death you might feel a bit hungry, a Test match is long. So you are going to make a really nommible snack and right when you are back and about to scoff it the camera zooms on a random person that spontaneously starts to puke his guts out. Your immediate reaction, namely putting said snack back on the plate, is followed by naughty knowing chuckles from the comment box. It happened to me twice during consecutive tours, and all good things come in threes, so be prepared.
Another typically NZish occurrance is Dan completely losing control over the whereabouts of his tongue. Seriously, the guy has mouth issues. Maybe he can't help thinking of the joke where a man is sitting in a bar and licking his eyebrows. However, Dan putting the tongue into the wrong areas is genuinely Kiwi.