It started a couple of weeks ago. Some people changed their user pictures on certain websites. Lovely peeps began to speak in tongues of which you would have never suspected them. The level of aggression on both sides of the planet has since been rising continuously.
While England have trampled their way through the warm-up games, left a trail of destruction behind (Peter George... ) and are leaning back with a smug grin on their faces, the Australian nerves lie out in the open for everybody to jump around on them. If you reap hissed comments about your obviously doubtful allegiance because you dare mourn the omission of the Rug, and to top it all off your Aussie flag only covers a part of your avatar, then you know that Oz are concerned, very concerned.
The tension is increasing, friends become foes, the entire subcontinent suffers a relapse of the Stockholm Syndrome and starts to chant "Cookie... Cooookieeeeee..." deliriously, you catch yourself thinking bad things, the bad things you have been thinking of Ian Bell get even worse, and if you have ever felt any affection for one of the opponent's players you now wish that he catches a virus, his fiancée gets bingled in the shower, or anything else that would keep him out of the action.
Eventually, the Ashes turn everybody into monkeys. The most cultivated Englishmen climb up the palm tree and get their coconuts ready, the Australians are already sitting on the opposite tree, impatiently waiting to hurl their brown rock-hard missiles at the Pomheads, and generally everybody un-evolves into furry prehistoric mammals.
Well, there is still a vacant spot for me in the branches...