24 November 2010

The Ashes, or: Total Monkeyfication

It started a couple of weeks ago. Some people changed their user pictures on certain websites. Lovely peeps began to speak in tongues of which you would have never suspected them. The level of aggression on both sides of the planet has since been rising continuously.

While England have trampled their way through the warm-up games, left a trail of destruction behind (Peter George... ) and are leaning back with a smug grin on their faces, the Australian nerves lie out in the open for everybody to jump around on them. If you reap hissed comments about your obviously doubtful allegiance because you dare mourn the omission of the Rug, and to top it all off your Aussie flag only covers a part of your avatar, then you know that Oz are concerned, very concerned.

The tension is increasing, friends become foes, the entire subcontinent suffers a relapse of the Stockholm Syndrome and starts to chant "Cookie... Cooookieeeeee..." deliriously, you catch yourself thinking bad things, the bad things you have been thinking of Ian Bell get even worse, and if you have ever felt any affection for one of the opponent's players you now wish that he catches a virus, his fiancée gets bingled in the shower, or anything else that would keep him out of the action.

Eventually, the Ashes turn everybody into monkeys. The most cultivated Englishmen climb up the palm tree and get their coconuts ready, the Australians are already sitting on the opposite tree, impatiently waiting to hurl their brown rock-hard missiles at the Pomheads, and generally everybody un-evolves into furry prehistoric mammals.


Well, there is still a vacant spot for me in the branches... 

Asheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!!!


Wes

3 comments:

sunny said...

Lol, well I am blessed then that I'm neither Aussie nor Pom at the moment.
I might be chanting 'Go go Ozzieee!!' these Ashes but I won't go exactly crazy. And not helped by the maddening time difference.
:(

Masuud said...

"The tension is increasing, friends become foes, the entire subcontinent suffers a relapse of the Stockholm Syndrome and starts to chant "Cookie... Cooookieeeeee..."

This is classic! Hahaha! Trust me to not go for the stockholm syndrome this time. Various reasons as may have the hang of them, so much so that this time round, Punter's face is having a pity feeling from me! Only exception is and will always remain is Twatto!

And Siddle, the hammer man, just made it more enticing. A hat trick and that too with a toe crusher on barbie! What could one ask for more? There are times when a player climbs up the ladder of your ranking and there are times when someone suddenly shoots up! Siddle has done the latter. A bloody indipping toe crusher (The hat trick maestro, Wasim bhai and Waqar would be proud of it) and to send barbie back with a golden duck, just the perfect topping on the cake!

Wes ~PFCNFS~ said...

Sunny you are right, the time difference is a pain in the butt and it would be cool if you joined my campaign for forbidding international cricket in Oz and NZ haha. They could play all the matches in SA, that would be a lot more convenient!

Masuud haha! Glad you like it! Yeah I realise there are quite some Paksanis (Paksata? Paksates? Paksitates?) who support Oz in this clash. Very cool! Thank you for taking the time to comment!
Oz coach Tim Nielsen has uploaded a short clip of the hat-trick, gonna email it to you, so that you can play it looped haha