22 April 2011

Is Easter About Sachin?

I've collected a handful of theologically significant evidence which proves that Sachin Tendulkar is the central Easter subject:

~ Feeding of the five thousand:
Jesus fed 5000 people with just five loaves of bread and two fish.
You will agree that while a ton is a bit more than that, Sachin feeds Billions with it!

~ Invitation to follow:
Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
Sachin said, "Who cares what I am! You are following me anyway :D"

~ Crucifixion:
Jesus got crucified for dubious reasons. Once.
Sachin gets crucified whenever he's played in a match his team lost.

~ The Cleansing of the Temple:
Jesus drove the merchants and moneychangers out of the Holy Temple.
Sachin... surely thinks bad of them, too.

~ DOB:
For centuries the clerics argued about Jesus' exact date of birth, and it looks like in Sachin's case the debate could be raging for years to come as well. Some scientists even claim he was "older than brown coal". All we know for sure is that he is very, very old.

~ Exorcism:
Jesus cast demons out of a man and allowed them to dwell in a herd of pigs.
Assuming that Sachin has similar powers, it would explain the existence of Ravi Ghastli.

More proof:
~ He has the heart of the lamb.
~ He is the newbie bowlers' bunny.
~ He hides his eggs in a box.
~ He has enormous ears. No wait a minute, his captain has enormous ears. But that's close enough.
~ Anyone who dares explain to Sachin's young believers that he doesn't actually exist will face a fate more cruel than death.

Ergo: Easter = Sachinfest. Q.E.D.

Happy Easter!



Jogesh Panda said...

Nice one Wes,

Sachin is beyond anyone's imaginations for Indians. I personally don't like comparing him with God but your blog is superlative.

below link is some of the quotes about Sachin , Some are typical of Mr Ravi LoudSpeaker Shastri few are good :)

Golandaaz said...

Well done! Enjoyed it

Rishabh said...

Heh, a Sachin post! This creates a strange problem, is Sachin God or is he the son of God? Assuming GoodCricketWicket's proof on Twitter that WG Grace is God, this makes Sachin the son of Grace.

Okay, overthinking.

tracerbullet007 said...

You have really put some thought into this, haven't you?

Wes ~PFCNFS~ Blog said...

Thanks for all your responses, Jogesh I am seriously seeing an Indian Sachin holiday in the future!

Thanks Golandaaz :)

Rishabh I was pondering this as well! My conclusion was that Sachin's father must be God (which kinda makes sense). I don't think that WG Grace is anywhere close it, being a Pom and all.... and he bowled 666 balls in Tests; he could not be further from it.

Tracerbullet, it took me several days to finish, keeping it on the nice side etc :P I hope it still becomes clear that it's a hat-off-and-piss-take in one...

S.Ganesh Kumar said...