10 August 2011

India Are Still Pissing Me Off

I am writing this after day 1 of a certain Edgbaston Test, and in a state of utter crabbiness and mental disarray. Although my brain is temporarily being inhabited by a little curry-munching caterpillar, at least for the duration of this tour, hence this solitary supportive post, India wouldn't be India if they didn't manage to annoy the indigestibles out of me on every thinkable and unthinkable occasion.

Well obviously and doubtlessly India are getting pommed because Harbhajan was as useful as a third nipple. On a very interesting side note, Harbhajan's bowling began to suck right when he stopped irritating me. Or am I confusing cause and effect here? Sanjay Manjrekar  on the other hand offers the expert opinion that Harbhajan couldn't take any wickets because he isn't Shane Warne. Duh.

What is Ojha doing in the squad? Dancing naked on the rooftop and shaking his vegetables? Cause I ain't seeing him play!

How useless has Sachin been so far?!?

I think I like Sreesanth. No, really... I. Like. Sreesanth. *chucks self off a skyscraper in slow-motion with a dynamite stick in the pants whose fuse is burning down in slow motion, too*




The Indian fans are still a bunch of nutty lousewits, abusing Praveen of all people; him, who has been the only player besides Dravid and in parts Ishant and Sreesanth, who actually pulls the socks up (in his case the socks were probably fuming considering how many overs he bowled because of the shoddy performance of *odders*)! Oh yeah and swatting Swann with his mighty, mighty Swannswatter has endeared him to me all the more :)

Speaking of Ishant, my favourite long-haired giraffe has accidentally run into unfriendly talks with an ill-tempered lawnmower. On the smack list with him! Yes I am superficial like that.

Thank God the man with the greatest name in the history of Indian cricket, Gautam Gambhir (pronounce it with a strongly exaggerated Apu accent), is back in the side. You go Gauti!!! Until you stumble on 38, that is...

Saviourwag out for a Golden! Can't believe they've dropped my latest pet Mukund for that!!!

And St. Doughknee is finally in the runs, alas, it looks like a lost cause already. Unless a miracle happens, like a Laxman 500 or Ishant taking 10 before lunch tomorrow, India are fooked, their No. 1 spot is fooked, and worst of all, England will be the new kings of Test cricket.


Excuse me while I seek the loo.
Wes

8 comments:

Dean @ Cricket Betting Blog said...

Hi Wes, that's about the first post I've read in over a week that isn't slagging England off over the run out incident.

Some of the stuff I've read on some of the Indian blogs has been unbelievable, you appear to be bucking the trend. Good on ya:)

knowledgeeater said...

:) Relax, let the Pom win for now and get drunk, their pee will soon start to stink, since they will forget to pee because of intoxication. They are playing good at the moment.

Thanks for the 'surprising' 'hidden' 'closeted' support for Team India. :P

Wes ~PFCNFS~ Blog said...

Dean, hello, great to see you, well let's just say I'm over it... *Dhoniyoudimwitseriously-howcouldyoulethimgetawaywiththatargghhhhhh*

@eat... it was bubbling for a fair while and had to burst out at some point ;)

Rishabh said...

I'm annoyed that everyone except Dravid threw their wickets away! And then after the rescue act, Sreesanth and Ishant bowled like animated turds. It's gonna be a while before we're #1 again...

Wes (Play For Country Not For Self) said...

LOL Rishabh. And on the small matter of throwing their wickets away, it is day four as we are speaking... jeeez!

greyblazer said...

In simple words on this tour India can't bat, bowl, or field.

I see even Australia beating this side in their own den at the end of this year.

Anonymous said...

Nice write up as always. I feel for St Doughknee, I like him but now they are in the manure. Face-saving at the Oval is in order big time, even if it will only save the nose or one of the eyes of the team.

lou

Anonymous said...

Do you think anyone will be champion of Euro 2012?